Mark (writer of the gospel): Immediately the chicken crossed the road
Luther: There I stood
Hebrew writer: The LORD made his road straight.
Calvin: The chicken was predestined to cross the road (I’m sure no one saw this one coming)
Arminius: The chicken chose to cross the road (ditto above)
Descartes: I cross; therefore, I am.
Job: Consider the chicken, Were you there when it first crossed the road?
Apostle Paul: The chicken does not understand what it does. The chicken does not want to cross the road. It does what it does not want to do, but what it hates to do. Who will save him from this life of road-crossing?!?
Jesus: Before the chicken crossed the road: I Am
Apostle John: This is the message we have received concerning the chicken: he has crossed the road and there is no darkness in him
Martin Luther King The chicken had a dream of a mountain top from where he could see the other side of the road
Feminist Theologian: Typical patriarchy. I know you mean a rooster. Why can’t it be a hen?
Liberation Theologian: Because poor people were on the other side
John Wesley: “About a quarter before nine, while the leader was describing the change God works in the location of the chicken, I felt my heart strangely warmed. I felt I did trust in the chicken alone for nutrition, and an assurance was given me that he had crossed my road, even mine, and saved me from the vegetarian option on the menu.”
Billy Graham: There are four things the chicken wants you to know:
(1) The chicken loves you
(2) The chicken is across the road
(3) Your sins have created the road that separates you from the chicken
(4) The chicken crossed the road to be on your side
Bob Jones: I ordered the chicken to be plucked naked so I can prophesy on how she can cross the road.
The Spiritualist: To get to the Other Side
Mike Bickle: Look, I know the chicken prophesied he would cross the ocean last year; but, he’s still growing in the prophetic. He is not a false prophet. We’re all under Grace now. But, don’t take my word for it. Check the scriptures for yourself.
Todd Bentley: The chicken was in the front pew just worshiping, and the angel said, kick it in the face. So I did and it..I swear this is true, it fell under the anointing and levitated to the other side.
BENNY HINN: Well, of course my chicken is going to need a $12,000 gold-plated wagon to get across the road. You don’t expect him to cross in an old wheelbarrow while doing the Lord’s work, do you?
COLONEL SANDERS: BURP
David Pawson: The chicken is not biblical so it is fairly uncertain whether it crossed the road or not. The chicken may not have been at all.
Creflo Dollar The chicked sowed his seed to build a bridge to cross the road
John Piper: The Chicken is most glorified when I am most satisfied in him.
Rick Warren: It was a purpose driven chicken.
Atheist: I don’t believe there is a chicken.
Agnostic: There’s no way to prove there is or isn’t a chicken crossing the road.
Emergent Church Crowd: Brian McLaren was there
Joel Osteen: Urr…. it is not why you should focus on but how the chicken went! He went in his gold plated private jet. God wants the chicken’s best life now.